“You’re just so clearly over-caffeinated!” — Star Trek’s “Runaway”

First of all, a note to the fine folks at CBS All Access: If you want people to actually, y’know, watch your Short Treks mini-episodes, it might perhaps behoove y’all to put the episodes on the main Star Trek Discovery page, not just on the page you go to when you click “full episodes.” I’m a fairly intelligent, college-educated individual who’s been using the world wide web for the entirety of its existence, and it took me the better part of ten minutes to find the fershlugginer episode on the web site.

So anyhow, CBS is doing four short 10-15-minute episodes to whet our appetites for season two of Discovery, and they’re putting their best foot forward by leading with the ever-delightful Mary Wiseman as Ensign Sylvia Tilly.

The story opens with Discovery taking on some cargo and then evacuating the bay for decontamination. At that, it fails ...